Understanding Safe and Unsafe Secrets
Helping children understand the difference between good surprises and secrets that should be told to a grown-up.
If a secret makes you feel bad, it is not the kind of secret you should keep.
Some secrets are happy ones — like a surprise birthday party. But some secrets make you feel worried, scared or sad inside. Those kinds of secrets should never be kept. This page helps you understand the difference.
Happy Secrets Are Short
A happy secret — like a surprise present for someone — is meant to be found out soon, and it makes everyone feel good. You might feel excited about keeping it. These kinds of secrets are fine because they do not last long and nobody gets hurt.
Unsafe Secrets Feel Heavy
An unsafe secret is one that makes you feel worried, scared, confused or sad. If someone says 'Do not tell anyone' and the secret gives you a bad feeling in your tummy, that is an unsafe secret. It does not matter who asked you to keep it — a friend, a relative, or someone online. If a secret feels heavy, it needs to be shared with a grown-up.
It Is Always Right to Tell
Telling a grown-up about an unsafe secret is not tattling or being a snitch. It is being brave. Some people might say 'You will get in trouble if you tell' — that is not true. A trusted grown-up will listen and help you. If someone has told you to keep a secret that makes you feel bad, that is exactly the kind of secret you should tell.
If you ever need someone to talk to, you can call Childline for free on 0800 1111.
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Last reviewed: 2026-03-29