Can my ex-partner access my child's device or accounts without my knowledge?

If a Family Sharing arrangement, Google Family Link, or shared iCloud account was set up during the relationship, the other parent may still have access to location data, purchased apps, or cloud-stored content. Review all device accounts carefully and remove connections that were set up for household management rather than current co-parenting needs. If you have genuine safeguarding concerns about monitoring, seek legal advice.

My child is using their phone to tell their other parent things I say at home. Should I restrict their phone?

Restricting phone access as a response to this will damage your child's sense of safety and trust. It is natural for children to share details of daily life with both parents. The focus should be on not saying things in front of your child that you would not want shared, and ensuring your child does not feel caught in the middle or obligated to report back.

What if my ex is contacting my child in ways I am unhappy about?

If the contact is distressing your child or you have safeguarding concerns, seek legal advice about a contact order. Courts can specify the mode, frequency, and conditions of digital contact. If the contact involves abuse or coercive control, contact the police or the NSPCC (0808 800 5000). Do not restrict your child's contact unilaterally without legal advice.

Digital Safety During Divorce and Separation

Practical guidance on managing shared devices, co-parenting communication, children's contact with an absent parent, and protecting children from the digital fallout of family breakdown.

Family breakdown brings a unique set of digital safety challenges that are rarely addressed in standard online safety guidance. Shared devices may hold sensitive information. Children may become caught in the middle of communication between parents. Social media can become a source of conflict or oversharing. And children, especially adolescents, may use online spaces to process their distress in ways that carry risk. This guide addresses these challenges honestly and practically, without taking sides or making assumptions about circumstances.

1. Managing Shared Devices

When a family separates, devices that were previously shared — a family iPad, a household laptop, a shared tablet — can become a source of practical and emotional complications. The priority is to audit which devices your child uses and what accounts are still logged in on them. Check for saved passwords, linked accounts, and automatic sign-ins: an old email account left logged in on a shared device can give unintended access to sensitive correspondence. If your child has their own device, check that it is not syncing to a shared family iCloud or Google account that the other parent can still access. On Apple devices, check whether Family Sharing is still active and whether location sharing is enabled. On Android, check Google Family Link and Google account connections. The goal is not to prevent the other parent from being involved, but to ensure your child's digital life is not inadvertently monitored or disrupted by account connections established during an earlier household arrangement.

Key takeaway: Audit shared accounts, syncing, and location sharing on all devices your child uses — separating digital lives cleanly reduces conflict and protects privacy.

2. Co-Parenting Apps and Communication

Direct communication between separated parents can be difficult, and children sometimes find themselves used as messengers — explicitly or implicitly. This digital intermediary role is stressful for children and can expose them to adult conflict. Co-parenting apps such as OurFamilyWizard, Coparently, and AppClose are specifically designed to manage communication, schedules, and shared information without the emotional charge of direct messaging between ex-partners. These apps keep a record of all communication, which can be valuable if disputes arise. They also remove the need for children to be copied into arrangements or asked to relay information. If formal co-parenting tools are not suitable, a clear agreement about how communication happens — and an explicit commitment that children will not be involved — is better than no agreement at all. Schools can also be asked to communicate directly with both parents separately, rather than relying on children to pass information between households.

Key takeaway: Use co-parenting communication tools to reduce the need for children to be involved in adult arrangements — keeping them out of the middle is a digital safety issue as much as an emotional one.

3. Children Communicating With an Absent Parent

Children have a right to maintain contact with both parents, and digital tools — video calls, messaging apps, and shared photos — make this easier than ever. However, the practicalities can become complicated. Ensure your child has a private, reliable way to contact the absent parent without feeling monitored or that doing so creates conflict. Avoid reading their messages to the other parent, asking what they said, or making comments about the other parent based on what you observe. If there are genuine safeguarding concerns about a parent — such as abuse or coercive control — seek legal advice about managing digital contact appropriately. The family courts can make specific orders about how and when digital contact takes place. Never use a child's device access as a way to monitor the other parent's communication, whereabouts, or relationships — children are aware of this even when it appears subtle.

Key takeaway: Give your child private, unmonitored access to the absent parent — reading their messages or interrogating them about contact is harmful regardless of intent.

4. Oversharing on Social Media

Separation is a period when adults are emotionally vulnerable, and social media can become a way of processing that publicly. Posting about the separation, criticising the other parent, or sharing details of legal or financial disputes online — even in coded language — can reach children through their own social media use, through peers, or through family members. Children are acutely sensitive to online narratives about their family, and exposure to parental conflict through social media is associated with poorer emotional outcomes. A period of reduced social media posting, or at least a careful review of what you are sharing and with whom, is advisable during the acute stages of separation. Review the privacy settings on accounts that might contain photos of your child — in some cases, it may be worth removing photos that could be used to distress a child or create a conflict between households.

Key takeaway: Avoid posting about your separation or criticising the other parent online — children often see this and it causes real harm regardless of how 'private' the post appears.

5. Protecting Children From Parental Conflict Online

Children caught between separated parents online may feel pressure to report on one parent to the other, to take sides in online arguments they observe, or to manage the emotional fallout of things they have seen. This is a form of emotional harm and is taken seriously by safeguarding professionals. Be explicit with your child that they do not need to report what the other parent says or does, that they are not responsible for managing adult feelings, and that they will never be judged for loving both parents. If your child is showing signs of significant distress — withdrawal, sleep problems, anxiety, anger — seek support from your GP, the school, or organisations such as Relate (0300 100 1234), which offers counselling for children and families. Digital safety in this context is not just about devices and settings — it is about the emotional environment in which children use technology.

Key takeaway: Children should never be caught in the digital crossfire of parental conflict — be explicit that they do not need to take sides or report on the other parent.

This is practical educational content to support families. For case-specific concerns about a child's safety, contact the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 or your local safeguarding team.

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