What if my child has already been keeping something from me?

If your child does disclose something, stay calm no matter how you feel inside. Thank them for telling you. Avoid expressions of shock or anger, even if the situation is serious. Your reaction in this moment will determine whether they come to you again in the future. Focus on supporting them first, then address the issue.

How often should I have this conversation?

This is not a one-off. Weave the message into everyday life — after school pick-ups, at bedtime, during car journeys. The more your child hears 'you can always tell me', the more they will believe it.

You Can Always Tell Me: Building Trust and Openness

A foundational conversation that reassures your child they can come to you about anything without fear of punishment.

Research consistently shows that children who feel safe talking to a trusted adult are better protected from harm. This conversation is arguably the most important one in this entire collection. It is about creating a culture of openness where your child knows — truly knows — that they can come to you about anything.

When to have this conversation

Regularly — this is a conversation to weave into everyday life, not save for a single occasion.

Before you start

• Reflect on your own reactions when your child has told you something difficult in the past — did you stay calm?
• Think about specific scenarios where your child might worry about getting in trouble, and prepare reassuring responses.
• Be prepared to listen more than you speak during this conversation.

Conversation by age group

Ages 5-7

"I want you to know something really important. Are you listening?"

parent

"No matter what happens — whether you have done something you think is wrong, or someone has done something to you, or you just feel worried — you can always, always tell me."

child

"Even if I think you will be cross?"

parent

"Even then. I promise that my number one job is to keep you safe. I might need to sort things out, but I will never be angry with you for telling me the truth."

parent

"If you cannot find me, you can tell Nanny, or your teacher, or any grown-up you trust. The important thing is that you tell someone."

Name specific trusted adults so your child has a clear list.

Tips for this age

• Use bedtime as an opportunity to check in — 'Is there anything on your mind tonight?'
• Praise them warmly whenever they do tell you something difficult, to reinforce the behaviour.

Ages 11-13

"I know you are growing up and you like to handle things yourself. But I need you to hear this."

parent

"Whatever happens — online, at school, with friends — you can always talk to me. I will not overreact, I will not take your phone away as a first response, and I will not judge you."

child

"But what if I have done something stupid?"

parent

"Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is that we deal with it together. I would rather hear about a mistake from you than find out later when things have got worse."

parent

"My door is always open. And if you find it easier to text me than say it face to face, that is absolutely fine too."

Tips for this age

• Acknowledge that talking to parents can feel awkward at this age — offer alternative communication methods like texting.
• Follow through on your promises: if they do come to you, respond calmly even if you feel worried inside.

Follow-up actions

→ Make a habit of checking in regularly with open-ended questions rather than yes/no ones.
→ Ensure your child has at least three trusted adults they could turn to if you are not available.